This is how I feel... except the Bio part...

Since I don't have bio children... I can't comment on the difference between bio/adopted situations... but I thought this was a Great post... (i haven't asked permission to share it, but I hope it is ok!!) And I agree from an A-parent perspective.

GoodHappeningsPost

This post is on the same lines of what I've been thinking this week.

It's like... you want to be a good parent... just a good parent. Not a-parent... not always have to use the word 'adopted'... like it is a present situation... it's HOW she entered my family, but not a disease or something that continues to happen... which might offend some... "I KNOW" she was adopted. I know it is the same but different from other ways people build their families. But that does not make it any less real for me or for Lil M. Maybe it will later. She will have her own thoughts and ideas about this, and I hope to show her that I am as open-minded and understanding as she struggles through whatever she's going to struggle through.

I do not belittle her past. I do not minimize the hurt she probably feels down inside her little heart. I do get frustrated sometimes...and that's with my own inadequacies...

(sort of a tangent coming) I have figured out that one of my problems this year has been the "Let Down"... Marathon Blues... it is like when you run a marathon (which I've done many times), and you've trained so hard and long for that ONE race... you feel a let down when it is done. WHAT IS NEXT? You ask yourself??? I think I'm going through that here. She's HOME. What now?! ;-) (ok, now I do realize that sounds idiotic. of course we're home... we've home almost a full YEAR!!!! LOL i'm a little slow on the uptake!!)

Do I add to our family? Am I ready for that? Do I find something else to do... like those hobbies I mentioned... Now that I know this is where part of my feelings have stemmed from, I think I can find a remedy...

I'm a GOAL-ORIENTED person! I have no current goal... I have life. I have my fun daughter and animals... but that's normal day stuff... :) I need a goal. To finish something ... like a quilt or a race. So, I'm going to try to get on that horse again.

Peace.

First Mother, Second Best

So, someone I read yesterday said that Adoptive parents always choose adoption as the 'second best' thing to procreating. Hm. Well, they don't know me. They picked on people who believed that Adoption was something God wanted them to do. Hm, again, they don't know me. They said that Adoptive parents don't give first mothers enough dues... and that the like...

Let me talk about that one. First Mothers. I know that my daughter was born of a different mother. And if I could find information for her, I would. Did I ever really want an open adoption? Well, not so much. Would I have done it for her, yes. More because I know it would have been hard emotionally, but that wouldn't have stopped me...I don't think. Do I worry there'd be confusion for Lil M? (Yes. Is it a moot point here, yes) But I also believe that if that is the way we are to go, that's the way we will find. I would hope that she wouldn't feel the need to "choose" if it ever did happen. She has two mothers. One who had to part ways with her for whatever reason... we know that, but not why. And me, the other mother who gets to spend as many days and nights as I possibly can getting to know someone so amazing and happy.

Now, as for being second best or a second choice or a plan B. She was NEVER that. Lil M was my FIRST choice. I could have procreated. I wanted to adopt.

Due to my own parenting flaws, I haven't fully decided about a 2nd child, as of yet... no fault of anyone. As Ellen says, if they were ALL like Lil M, everyone would have one!! She is, indeed, a blessing. *Now before you all tout my wonderful parenting skills... I have a temper some days. I get frustrated over stupid crap. I get over it. And I love her more than anything... but I'm SO not perfect. ;-)

Just some more thoughts...

Peace.