Article and self-esteem

I wanted to write an update regarding the article I posted about a week ago. I've read a lot about this woman's article from other parents and have re-read the article myself...

And while I think there are tidbits we can glean from her ideas around making her children actually practice their instruments and not get sidetracked with social networking... she really goes off the deepend, IMO. I want Lil M to succeed, of course, but I do NOT plan to beat her or degrade her if she can't master something for my own edification.

I know from personal experience how those things can really impact your life and your psyche. I have a great, great life, but I can tell you that I have struggled with low self-esteem all of my life, too. It has impacted my relationships, or lack thereof, with the opposite sex. Heck, it's impacted all of my relationships, if truth be told. Some for the better, some for the worse.

For example, I've found that I've put up with way more crap from some people in my life than I ever should (Sis does the same thing, actually). Like for some reason, I don't deserve better? It hadn't even been a real conscious thought, that I know of, until I had Lil M. I realized that I didn't want her to grow up feeling that same way.

It is OK to say NO sometimes. It is even necessary. Of course, sometimes we have to agree or follow something/one in a situation, but we have to be able to say NO and allow ourselves that ability/freedom.

What this means is that we aren't obligated to live everyone else's life or subjugate ourselves to them. It also means we're allowed to feel equal to other people.

If you teach your child that they CANNOT ever disagree or that they will get beaten because they can't get something, then that's not only physical abuse, but it is also abuses their will and their soul. That is tragic.

Set limits, yes. Expect success (even a measure), yes. Encourage, have standards... but let them be the children they are!! Berating and belittling, yelling and hitting only make a child feel bad. They want to please us, their parents. If they can't please us, who will they EVER be able to please (even if in their own head, which can be the worst, actually)??? That, that is failure.

It doesn't matter how much money you make in this world if you can't be in relationship with other people, which is what we were created for. What does it matter if you have all the money in the world if your soul is empty?

This kind of makes me want to write a series about my life. No, my childhood wasn't terrible, but it definitely impacted my adult life in ways I never imagined possible. Being reprimanded and belittled when I wasn't even a bad kid. Told I wouldn't succeed. Actually, it wasn't all my Mom, it was ALL the adults in my life, it seemed. But, I don't have the kind of relationship with my own mother that I wish I had... and I pray to God every day that I can always have a good mother/daughter relationship with Lil M. And I certainly wouldn't tolerate others talking to her like people did me.

Peace.