MMM - It Takes Two

So, this week I have my nephew, C, all week! :) It is the first time he's ever stayed more than 2 days with me. That is awesome. So, my Motivate Me Monday thought is how I'm going handle two of everything this week?!

C is 9 years old and he is going to basketball camp this week. Actually, it is half day basketball and half day sports camp... Lil M is in daycare (DC) still, of course. Which means I have to drive to two different locations in the morning before work and to pick them both up after work.

Yesterday I made a whole pot of pinto beans (sans meat), and so I figure dinner is covered for at least a couple of days this week. But I do need to go to the store today to get a few extra items for us. Like bread and lunch meat. Dinners ideas for this week, so far: spaghetti, beans/rice, burritos, turkey-meatloaf, and probably chicken and noodles.

I don't have to make Lil M's lunches, but I do have to have something for C to take each day. So, gotta plan that. I already wrote down 5 dinner ideas for us. Today I will make up 4 more days worth of lunch stuff (except actually making the sandwiches).

I've got some paints and playdo that I think I will let the kiddos play with tonight! C wants to go to the park, and I've already talked to my friend MK about dinner... So, I figure I've got at least 3 days worth of fun stuff planned for us.

This doesn't include bath times, teeth brushing, the dogs...but I guess it's got me motivated today to try to keep up with everything this week. I just hope his basketball/sports camp goes well. He seemed to think it was cool this morning. So, let's see!

And it's got me wondering how having two would be in the long-term...

Peace.

Build up, not Tear Down

A long, long time ago..... OK, at the end of 2004, I decided to move forward with adoption. Many of you have followed the story here for some time... (here's the synopsis, in case you haven't) I applied for a singles slot in December 2004 and was accepted the first week of January of 2005. My dossier was complete by September of 2005 and sent to China, where I was logged in on Halloween, Oct 31, 2005. I received my referral of my daughter the first week of May 2007. Flew to get her June 2007, and the adoption was final June 19, 2007. We were home on June 28. Our first holiday was the 4th of July, Independence Day. :)

I guess I'm feeling a little sentimental tonight, for some reason. Maybe it is because my own Mom wrote to me the other day and told me she was proud of me. (i about died of shock)... and that she could tell I was a good Mom. It was one of the nicest things anyone's ever said. And was huge, since it came from my own Mom. (don't get me wrong, people have told me i'm a good mom, but to hear it from your own mother, is just amazing!) She was proud I put myself through school, bought my own house, went to China.

So, it got me thinking... plus I was watching those wife swap shows tonight... about family and about us Moms. Some get a bum rap. Some get put on a pedestal. Some get treated like dirt. Some treat their kids like dirt. ALL of which, makes me terribly sad.

What has this world come to that we are all SO MEAN to each other all the time???? Why should the compliments and proud moments be shocking? Why are the failing/mean/hateful moments always so prominent?

There have been so many times I've felt like a failure, and I know others have and do, too. But why?! Why don't we have the support we need to thrive?

And, more importantly, are we going to repeat history? Are WE going to be the support our children need to THRIVE? Because, I for one, want to be that support. For my daughter, for my sister, for my friends, for my Mom, for my Dad, for my brother...

I want to be able to walk through life knowing I didn't treat people so badly that they only ever felt torn town. I want to build others up. Do you want to build others up?

How do we do that? Well, first, the Word of God helps us build others up. God is our first example of LOVE and kindness. But if you don't want to get too Biblical, then just start looking at your own behavior. It starts with you and me.

Take one week to write down all interactions with people... your co-workers, your friends, your sister, brother, daughter, son, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend. Were you nice? Genuinely nice? Did you poke fun...that wasn't really kind? Did you inadvertently (or on purpose) hurt someone? Did you fix it? Or at least try? Did you use harsh words? Did you yell? Did you cut someone off on the road? Did they yell?

I urge you to take that list of moments and see how you could have handled them differently the next time. The next time someone comes and asks you to do something you don't want to do. Be kind. Really. Be kind. You don't want someone yelling at you, right?

It always comes back to Love the Lord your God with all your heart, strength and mind. And your neighbor as yourself.

So, if you wouldn't want someone to be snippy, snarky, crappy, crabby, rude, hateful, to you... then please remember to approach them with: LOVE THEM AS YOURSELF, as your guide. We can't fix all relationships (or non-relationships) with people, but we can react out of a place of loving them as we would love ourselves. And in that, I believe, we can help others get out of the hate-hate action-reaction that so permeates our culture.

I wrote the other day that we need to "cherish" our children. And we do. This doesn't mean that I believe that there are no consequences for bad behavior or letting them get away with things they ought not do. But it does mean paying attention, spending time with them, teaching them they way they should go... being present... and LOVE THEM AS YOURSELF. :)

LOVE GOD
LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR
LOVE YOURSELF

Peace.

WFMW: Working Mamas

A fellow adoptive Mama (and online friend) is going back to work soon. She is wondering what kind of advice us working moms have for her... Which made me think about my own life and how Lil M and I have adjusted after TWO YEARS of being home together! :D ::big.huge.grin::

First, I can hardly believe it's been two years already! And I mean that. It has gone by with lightning speed!! Of course, when we first got home, I wasn't sure how anything would go, and I certainly couldn't imagine two years down the road! LOL.

So, here's my advice for any new Mom going back to work...

1. Let the guilt go. Really. I'm the queen of feeling guilty over every little thing. Gotta let that go. If you want to work, or need to work, it is OK. Look at the positive, they will learn all kinds of neat things, make friends and know that you are Mommy regardless. You aren't going to do yourself or your son or daughter any good feeling guilty all the time. It will show. So, take a deep breath and shake it off.

2. For any new parent, but especially adoptive parents, take the first entire year (yes, I said year) to focus on your child and your/their attachment. Go home and hold them. Carry them around. Wear them in a sling. Cherish them. This will alleviate any guilt you have, too, because if you are making an effort to really cherish the time you have together you will be able to let yourself do other things. And, it is OK to do other things sometime! Work being one of them.

3. Take at least 15 minutes each day for yourself. I'd say an hour, but let's be realistic. Go grab that cup of coffee. Savor it. Go sit on the porch. Savor it. Go listen to the birds or run or walk or do whatever it is that it important for you to unwind. Prayer is always good. Just sit. Allow yourself that few minutes to unwind.

4. Don't worry about every little thing... cleanliness is next to Godliness for sure, but if something doesn't get done, don't sweat it. The laundry can wait until the weekend. It will not kill you to not vacuum every single day. There will be toys. There will be messes. Who cares? The first year you will be focusing on your child, remember? And what is more important really? They are. :)

5. Ok, so the truth be told, it is hard for most of us not to feel guilty going back to work. That probably doesn't even depend on your child's age. But if you're like me, you might go crazy at home all day by yourself!! But it will get easier. Especially, if you are in a good work environment. So, if you're not... try to find somewhere that you can feel good about yourself, your family and your job. That really is important. I didn't have that when I went back to work, and I'm SO glad I have that now. It just makes my life so much better. And a happy Mama is a good Mama. Remember that. :)

6. Some additional thoughts that help me: I try to make dinners ahead, plan meals, stock up on things that I know I will eventually need so I don't have to run out to get something when I am feeling stressed or tired from working all day. Freeze milk. Have that extra pack of diapers on hand, or have some cloth ones, too. I used both, that way if I was ever low on packaged ones I could use them as backup. I also just liked cloth, but that's me. :) Oh, and when you take them to daycare/school - drop and run! Don't dawdle. Tell them you love them and will be back!! Ksses and hugs and LEAVE. Otherwise, it just makes it too hard for both of you. IMO.

7. You NEED a support system. If you don't have one, be on the lookout for one. :) One of my dearest friends is someone I met after I went back to work. Other moms in similar situations are invaluable!!! So is your family and friends. Do not be afraid to ask for help. (if you're like me, that's very hard, but you need to do it sometimes!!)

8. Trust your instincts. When you become a parent, I think that you second guess yourself a lot more than before... it's new... especially when you go back to work. Should I be at work? Should I be at home? Will they love me less? Is their daycare/school OK? What about their day provider? If you don't trust your daycare provider, that's not good. Find someone you trust. If it doesn't feel right, or something feels off... trust your instincts. This goes for food and sleeping and holding and everything else. We don't get a book on how to do all this... it is OK to trust yourself.

9. Get enough sleep. Now, I know this seems impossible sometimes. But get sleep when you can. It is extremely important to get enough rest. The first year of daycare/school is going to be tough because they bring home lots of germs. We were sick on and off the whole first year!! It sucked. But it would have been even worse if I hadn't taken the time to get some rest.

10. Love your children. That's what it comes down to really. Isn't that always the case? Regardless of how you became a parent...when or why... you're a parent now. So, if you really focus on love, the rest will come. :) Trust me, time flies...

Peace.

Happy 4th of July

Sorry I've been absent for a week or more... didn't really feel like I had a lot to write about... Lil M is doing great... here are a couple updates, should be in red/wh/blue but she was in a pink mood!! lol

Snarky

Why are people rude and just snarky these days? I mean, even some of my co-workers think it is appropriate to be rude during meetings when someone just asks a question. It's getting ridiculous. I'm not a whipping girl, and I just don't have to tolerate nasty people. I'm sick of it.

I've decided that people who are rude, mean and snarky can kiss my butt. I used to feel like I had to do anything and everything in my power to make people like me. But I don't. And I, frankly, don't have time for it.

So there.

It is a new day, and I will continue to choose to surround myself with nice people. The others, well, go away.

Peace.

Gotch-u, not gotcha! ha!

So... Lil M has taken in the past few months to running up to me and grabbing my legs and happily exclaiming I "GOTCH-U" Mommy!! And I say - You GOT Me??? Yes! she says!! I gotch-u!!

I think it is utterly adorable, of course. hehe.

Reminds me of "gotcha" though, for what people call Gotcha day, or the day you meet your child for the first time. Or maybe it is adoption day. But regardless, I don't use the term. Our Family (adoption) Day is this Friday!!!!

Happy, Happy 2 year anniversary of our adoption day Lil M! Mommy's....gotch-u!!!!! :D Always and forever.

Peace.

Risk vs Control

A point was brought up today about how much of a risk-taker I am... or not. :) You see, there are things I take risks in. Calculated risks, mostly. Being able to take risks and calculated risks helps me in a lot of areas in my life. I took a risk to adopt.

But there is a point when risk taking is really a loss of control. That, I don't do so well with. I don't do drugs. I don't water ski, or snow ski. Or anything, pretty much, that involves potential loss of physical control.

Anyway, it's just an interesting thought. Think about it. Do you take risks? Or are you in control? I'm in control... too much so sometimes, I admit. Alpha Mama Dog here... so, that's what's on my mind today.

I believe we should strive to find balance in our lives. There are things I *must* let go of and give control over to someone else... ie, Mindy's divorce. I cannot control that outcome. But, damned if I don't try (in my heart)!!! lol And, actually, in any other physical way I can help. But in this case, it is more a reality of someone evil having control over her or myself and my family. Uh huh. Nope.

But it does lead to the interesting questions.... risk or control? They're definitely related. And I'm definitely finding my balance. :)

Peace.

Utilitarian Summer quilts

I finally got back into my sewing room this weekend. I had to put in a new TV (so i thought, but it isn't digital either, bah)... and had to take Lil M's VCR (that she doesn't use yet) from her room BACK to the sewing room so I could hook up the DVD player. Sound confusing? Yep. Oh, and I had to clean off a spot so I could put in a little table to hold the VCR and DVD players... off of my sewing table! The TV sits on the corner, but that's ok. I got the TV from my friend Mary-Kelly and it is great!! I can see it without my glasses on while I'm sewing. :) Perfect. haha.

Lil M seemed happy to get to play in a new room (to her) haha. So, she asked me to get the chairs and her some paper! LOL I obliged with the chair, but no paper... 'cause I was trying to get things cleaned up and she didn't want to sit still anyway. When she went to bed, I fixed the TV situation and then decided to work on a couple EASY projects.

I had two pieces of fabric (technically 4 pieces) that had been cut out by someone that looked like they were going to use them for window coverings or something. So, i sewed them together, and made two summer quilts out of them (no batting). Utilitarian, because they aren't meant to be bed quilts and look cute... but be functional. :)

I also made Chicken Potato Corn Chowder this weekend. That was my first attempt at a chowder like that, and it turned out pretty good. :) Hope it keeps well for the week!!!

Peace.

Thankful Thursday

I'm thankful I have a hair appt tonight! :)

I'm also thankful that my original adoption agency (in my state) has said that I would just need to do an updated homestudy...not from scratch. woot!!

Still haven't officially picked a Kaz agency. Working on it, though. Some say it could take 2-3 years to finalize an adoption from there. I'm OK with that. Reason(s) being a) I don't have the funds right now (will i ever?!! lol), but would like to get started sooner rather than later, and b) any adoption i pursue right now would likely take that long... or i would have to adopt an older child...and I definitely want to adopt a child younger than Lil M, if possible.

So, there. It's Thankful Thursday for me.

Peace.

Conspicuous

Are you an adoptive family? Well, if you're not, you might not realize how conspicuous we feel sometimes. Yes, we're different. No, we don't look "alike" exactly. It is even more obvious in the summer. I like to stay my traditional pastie white, LOL, and Lil M definitely gets some sun and looks gorgeous. But we're even more conspicuous.

And these days... I'm trying to not let it bother me as much. It's been one of the biggest challenges to me since we've been home... to always be asked, questioned... looked at. People (including well-meaning Sis and Scott) tell me to ignore it. And, I should. Should be able to, that is! But if you know me... and a lot of you do... I can't ignore it sometimes. And sometimes it gets under my skin.

Now. This doesn't mean that I have any problem whatsoever with us looking different. Clearly, we're going to look different, from each other, as well as the societal norm. And while most people are really gracious and nice in general... sometimes it can just feel like we're on display. What is an OK question when your child is a baby is NOT an ok question when they start growing up and understanding what people are saying.

So, I'm working on it. I'm working on my answers to intrusive questions. I'm working on ignoring the stares. I'm working on how to show Lil M each day that we are really normal and that it's other peoples' problem if they think we are different.

Don't get me wrong. We ARE different. But we are the SAME, too. And to this end, I can totally understand why GLBT folks have such a hard time with society telling them how and what they should or shouldn't be. I mean really. We're all just trying to get through the best we know how.

And if we're conspicuous, so be it. :D (as I shudder and try to remind myself people are just curious, i hope.)

I knew what I was getting in to. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Lil M has been just an amazing, enormous blessing. But I do respect our family and want to do right by her.

So, the next time you see a family that looks a little different from what you expect of the "norm", please remember... we're just trying to live our lives too. We are more than willing to discuss adoption issues, why we adopted and things of that nature. But our childrens' stories are their own, and our family is just that. Family. Please be respectful.

Peace.