Our life today

So, Lil M has successfully gone through Kindergarten and is almost through 1st grade... She's 6.5 years old! My how time FLIES.  She is still the most amazing thing in my life and I adore being her Mommy. She is a very loving, happy child. She knows how to read, and reads to me often. :) She is still very silly.

We've been walking through this crazy life together... with my fostering and all. I thought that fostering would be a way to expand our family (foster to adopt), but it hasn't happened, yet... This year, I've been exploring that thing that seemed to really scare me a couple of years ago... Special Focus adoption. Some of the needs aren't nearly as scary as I thought they would be. And there are many I really feel I could handle. I've also gotten to see a few people I know parent children with special needs and survive. :)

I have no idea what the future holds, except that I'll be done with school soon. After that, I'm waiting to see how long I have these two fosters and then will decide what to pursue next. If this foster situation doesn't turn to adoption, I very well could find an agency again and go for a SF adoption in China. Or it might end up being Lil M and I for the long haul. :)

Peace.

oh scarlett...

Mia and I were at Skyline for dinner tonight (she had a "fantastic" day today at shool and her teacher wrote me and told me so!! woot! So, I gave her her choice for dinner...) 

At one point for some reason she fanned herself with her hand and said... OH Scarlett!!!! ..... little southern belle she is!!! ROFL SNORT!!!! she cracked me UP! i said... where did you learn that... she said, i made it up! hahahahahaha 

Interview with Lil M

Mommy: What is your favorite color?
Lil M: all the colors

You don't have a favorite. Yes, Mommy... I like all the colors.

Mommy: What are your favorite toys?
Lil M: my princess phone that Auntie Ellen got me (well, got Mommy, but she's sure it was for her!)

Mommy: Aren't Meow and Monkey your favorite toys?
Lil M: Mommmmy. Meow and Monkey are animals.

Mommy: What do you sleep with at night?
Lil M: Meow and Monkey. Mommy, I thought the pink monkey in the picture you took [on my business trip last week] was big. Why is it so little?
Mommy: well, because it's little because it looked like your pink monkey and mommy wanted to get you one that looked like him.
Lil M: Oh.

Mommy: What color is your favorite blanket?
Lil M: Green and fuzzy
Mommy: What do you usually have Mommy do with your blanket?
Lil M: tie it around me like a princess dress
Mommy: What color is the blanket Mommy made you?
Lil M: green with teddy bears on it

Mommy: What is your favorite food?
Lil M: pasketti.
Mommy: Really? I thought you liked peanut butter
Lil M: yeah! Peanut butter, and pasketti, and apple sauce and macaroni and cheese and raisins

Mommy: What do you usually ask Mommy for breakfast?
Lil M: a peanut butter sandwich on waffle bread [the new bread rounds that have little waffle indents on them] or muffin bread [english muffins]

Mommy: Do you like pickles?
Lil M: NO
Mommy: Do you like lima beans?
Lil M: Yes! With corn at school! Mommy, can we have brussel sprouts? [me, haha, why sure!! :) somehow she's gotten it in her head that she likes them, but i'm not sure she's had them yet!]

.....

Lil M: Mommy, do you know what my favorite thing about today was?
Mommy: What was that?
Lil M: Being with you. [and on Dentist day, it was 'being with you... and going to the dentist.' no joke. haha]

And they all went.... awwwwww ;-)

Peace

Fourth 4th

Lil M and I celebrated our fourth 4th (of July) this year. :) I find it somewhat amazing that it's been FOUR years!! Amazing and awesome and ... boy, does time fly! She is such a blessing and I couldn't be more happy to have her as my daughter.

We didn't do anything super-special over the fourth... we did have T and baby G and baby B with us... so, it was a full house. By Sunday, though, everyone was gone and Lil M and I went to see some fireworks. That was fun. We sat on her Dora snuggie, lol, as it was sort of impromptu.

Lil M is in gymnastics and seens to really enjoy that. She's also starting piano and seems excited.

We had a foster with us from Feb until June 20... she was Baby B and is a beautiful little girl. Her mom (20) came to live with us from May 26 to June 21. She was a head case, and made it pretty stressful for all of us. I loved having Baby B around, but am glad the situation is over, as it was pretty terrible and stressful for me, in particular.

So, I'm glad to have some time with just me and Lil M for now. I've been asked to do respite for this weekend, and it seems ok. Otherwise, I'm just going to try to have fun with my 4 year old!! :)

Peace.

New rules

So, any of my single mama's planning to try to adopt through the new rules in China? I'd love to know if anyone is. :)

As of 2007 we weren't allowed to adopt healthy infants anymore. As a matter of fact, singles weren't allowed to adopt at all from China. But a couple of months ago they opened China back up to singles... to adopt special, special needs children. The ones no one else wants. And while I'm happy that they are considering us again, I just find it a little disconcerting that we only get to adopt the worst of the worst health-wise.

But then again, those children need parents, too. Desperately.

As for me, I'm still praying for what I might do. The fostering is definitely hard some days. I feel like a glorified (and sometimes not-so-glorified) babysitter... I don't like that part so much. I'm licensed to foster-to-adopt, but am not sure how likely that would ever be. I like having a second child, though, I do realize how hard it would be sometimes. Especially cost and unknowns. A lot of people I know think I'm crazy for wanting a second. Which I find odd. lol But to each their own! :)

...ok, on a different note... Lil M "graduates" from pre-school tonight. I got her a cute little black sundress with yellow daisies on it. They get to wear caps and gowns and the whole bit. It's going to be cute. The end of an 'era' at the daycare. She will still go there until kindergarten starts in August. ... my baby is growing up!!!

Peace.

Mommy let's fly to China

Lil M has a great imagination. Last night she decided that she and I were flying to china (on our couch), and had prepared her Dora bag for us with books and pretend water. She said, "Mommy, I have LOTS and LOTS of water for us!! In case we get thirsty!" I said, "oh? Great!", and took my requisite place on the couch beside her.

She decided that Mimi and C couldn't go because C was sick Mommy and Mimi has to take care of him. (She likely decided this because Baby B was sick yesterday and used that as the excuse for C instead, lol.)

She decided that B couldn't go because she was at her grandma's.

But we were going to see the Great Wall of China. Which turned out to be the baby gate. ;-) And needless to say, she had me cracking up.

Such is my life with an energetic, inquisitive, imaginative and funny 4.5 year old.

She also asks me regularly if something across the horizon is as far as China is. I have to say no... to which she finally asked if China was farther than Mars. I said, no, it isn't farther away than Mars! She now says that it may be farther than what we see, but it's closer than Mars Mommy!!! :)

She can spell her name backward (first and last), and forward. She knows our phone number and how to spell Mommy forward and backward, too. She loves sidewalk chalk and her trike, and to help me in the flower garden. She's immeasurably patient with me and helpful with B.

It's been a great spring, and I can't wait til we have more time over the summer to maybe take a trip somewhere. Although, it won't be China, yet.

Peace.

Keepin on

Life's been good around here. We've all settled into a nice groove while B is here. She's a cutie pie. She starts visits with her grandparents this weekend and we'll see how that goes.

Lil M is doing well. She's 35lbs and 39" tall now. She's such a big girl!! We're waiting to hear if she got into the elementary school I want her to go to...and should know in the next couple of weeks. She enjoys her gymnastics. I thought we might do violin lessons now, but I think we'll wait a bit longer.

I've been disturbed and praying for the people of Japan this week. They had a horrible tsunami and earthquake and a ton of problems because of it, including some nuclear meltdowns... not good. I'm wondering how our country will help them, we usually are good about that type of support... and then what about the children and families!! Haiti had a lot of adoptions right away and not that I agreed with that, I'm wondering how Japan will handle this catastrophe. I am really praying for them.

Peace.

Been awhile...

The past few weeks have been quite busy around here. I am fostering again, this time a younger child, and taking classes for my Masters program.

Lil M has started gymnastics and seems to really like it. I'm trying to get her into piano or violin lessons, too, but not sure when that will start. She's my shining star. She's still a very happy girl, and I can't believe she'll start Kindergarten this fall. She likes to play dress-up, and has for about the last full year. She likes to color, paint, and read books together. She knows how to spell her name and Mommy, dog and stop. I haven't been pushing too much, since she does learn some at pre-school. She's ready to go to Kindergarten, IMO, and talks about it even now. She is a compassionate child who likes being a big sister to our foster, though, she does push the limits on what is allowed and likes to try to get the baby in trouble sometimes... mostly, I think it is because she is still feeling her way in being a role model and not just an only child.

That being said, I don't think there is much chance that this foster will turn into more. As I've always looked at having a second child, I'm not 100% convinced either of us need that long-term, nor do I think that God's made that path ultimately clearly available. I am open to whatever happens, and as usual am extremely happy to be Lil M's Mama for sure. :) She is my joy.

I will say that fostering has taught me to be a better parent, both when I had a teen and now that I have a little one. It teaches me to try to be sensitive and open to Lil M's needs and not just get bogged down with the day-to-day life stuff (other than her that stress me out, causing me to not always be pleasant). No one is pleasant all the time, but I know that I want to show her that Mommy won't take out a bad day on her. That's a continual process for me, as my parents were a bit standoffish in some ways.... and I find that I can have that tendency when I get home from a long day.

Actually, overall we're doing very well. Having a child does teach you where some of your flaw are, doesn't it? And since I want to be the very best parent to her as I can, I'd rather try to work on those thereby, hopefully, making her better for it, too. :)

Oh, and last weekend we went to a book signing at a local bookstore. I was recognized from this blog, and I just want to give a shout out to Laura (please tell me that I'm rembering correctly, I was a bit frazzled that day!!) ... I was shocked and honored that you stopped by and said hello. :D It was awesome! I have been addicted to following peoples' blogs for years, and to know that there are people out there who still follow our journey is amazing to me. :) Congrats to you and your little one, who was just adorable!! We enjoyed the book signing and Lil M did great. The littlest one didn't do as well, and cried when she saw the helper guy with a beard. Of course, later we found out that she was a bit fussy because she was on the verge of getting sick... but that's a story for another time. lol

Peace.

Article and self-esteem

I wanted to write an update regarding the article I posted about a week ago. I've read a lot about this woman's article from other parents and have re-read the article myself...

And while I think there are tidbits we can glean from her ideas around making her children actually practice their instruments and not get sidetracked with social networking... she really goes off the deepend, IMO. I want Lil M to succeed, of course, but I do NOT plan to beat her or degrade her if she can't master something for my own edification.

I know from personal experience how those things can really impact your life and your psyche. I have a great, great life, but I can tell you that I have struggled with low self-esteem all of my life, too. It has impacted my relationships, or lack thereof, with the opposite sex. Heck, it's impacted all of my relationships, if truth be told. Some for the better, some for the worse.

For example, I've found that I've put up with way more crap from some people in my life than I ever should (Sis does the same thing, actually). Like for some reason, I don't deserve better? It hadn't even been a real conscious thought, that I know of, until I had Lil M. I realized that I didn't want her to grow up feeling that same way.

It is OK to say NO sometimes. It is even necessary. Of course, sometimes we have to agree or follow something/one in a situation, but we have to be able to say NO and allow ourselves that ability/freedom.

What this means is that we aren't obligated to live everyone else's life or subjugate ourselves to them. It also means we're allowed to feel equal to other people.

If you teach your child that they CANNOT ever disagree or that they will get beaten because they can't get something, then that's not only physical abuse, but it is also abuses their will and their soul. That is tragic.

Set limits, yes. Expect success (even a measure), yes. Encourage, have standards... but let them be the children they are!! Berating and belittling, yelling and hitting only make a child feel bad. They want to please us, their parents. If they can't please us, who will they EVER be able to please (even if in their own head, which can be the worst, actually)??? That, that is failure.

It doesn't matter how much money you make in this world if you can't be in relationship with other people, which is what we were created for. What does it matter if you have all the money in the world if your soul is empty?

This kind of makes me want to write a series about my life. No, my childhood wasn't terrible, but it definitely impacted my adult life in ways I never imagined possible. Being reprimanded and belittled when I wasn't even a bad kid. Told I wouldn't succeed. Actually, it wasn't all my Mom, it was ALL the adults in my life, it seemed. But, I don't have the kind of relationship with my own mother that I wish I had... and I pray to God every day that I can always have a good mother/daughter relationship with Lil M. And I certainly wouldn't tolerate others talking to her like people did me.

Peace.

Ameri-Asian friend and her daughter

We've made friends with a lady who is Japanese (Hawaiian), married to a caucasian man and they have a daughter who looks caucasian. Both of them are as cute as they could be. I like them a lot. So does Lil M. Anyway, we've been trying for months to get together with them. So, it finally worked out for us to meet tonight at the gymnastics place where her daughter takes classes.

The place let Lil M take a trial class tonight and they looked up class the class roster to see if they could get her in the real class. Basically, they only take 6 kids in a class at a time... but one of the kids in this class hadn't gone at all this session... so, they called the family and apparently, it opened up a spot for Lil M!! :)

I think I'm more excited about her doing this than I have been the other stuff, even... mostly because I always wanted to do gymnastics when I was a kid. So, now, I get to live vicariously through her! :) I hope she loves it. If she doesn't, I won't force her to do it... but if tonight and the weekend were any inclination, I think it's gonna be a good fit for now!

I'm mostly excited about her learning more balance and confidence and body-awareness. Plus, she's just TOO dang cute!!!! Looks like I need to go get her a cute pink leotard. :) what she has works fine (basic black)... but i bet she'd love something more girly soon.... if she ends up liking the class.

My friend and I did notice that we got some funny stares from people... who assumed Lil M was with her and her daughter was mine. We remarked on it and both laughed. :)

Peace.