The Heart is...
I had a good time at the conference, but am glad to be home, except the stress of the teen... who I haven't had come home yet. Supposed to be today, but am considering seeing if she can stay a little longer. I really need to concentrate on my work and on Lil M.
I'm tired of feeling so stressed. And I'm tired of feeling so stressed in my own house. So, I'm not sure how I'm going to move forward with foster stuff. We'll see. I feel bad, very bad actually... but I, just like everyone else, have limits...
Anyhow, got the grass cut last night, now I just need to get the weeds trimmed back. I'm even considering seeing if I can get a tree guy to come help with my trees this summer. It is expensive, but it would make everything look much better.
Lil M and I are doing well... she's been patient with Mommy not feeling so hot and being extremely tired since I got home.
Peace.
Happy Birthday To Me
6 hours ago
3 comments:
There's no place like home, indeed.
Still having "T" trouble? That's too bad. I don't suppose the obvious and rebellious attitudes that come with being a teenager have escaped you, have they? I think most young adults in that phase of their lives can be described as "combustible" or "capricious." If we could go back many months and had a heart-to-heart conversation, I could have listed as possibilities many of the things you are going through now. Being a teenager is dreadfully difficult on many people. It's a stage of life that should be reserved for the most capable adults. Hopefully STABILITY will somehow seep into your lives and "T" will adhere to the wisdom of people who have lived longer than she has.
On a lighter note, what was Arumba like? On a PBS documentary, I heard you can only get there by flying dragon. That's so awesome! I am, however, a bit confused when it comes to the motives of your travel there. Were you summoned by His majesty King Tom of Arumba, or were you at an AARP convention? I ask because you stated you went to a convention yet His Majesty left you a comment (I think) on another blog that stated you were recalled to Arumba to "cultivate thy manners" and "edify the king". WOW! This guy doesn't mess around, does he?.
So, what was it like to meet his majesty King Tom? Was he as intimidating as people say he is? Did he throw you in one of his dungeons? Did he speak with a commanding and forceful voice? Is it true that he bought a mini-van at Crazy Eddie's? There are SO many questions I'd like to ask you about your trip but I'd be here all day!
Finally, Phil from payroll wants to know if you brought him the following items: One 16 ounce tub of Crisco lard (circa 1984); 1 genetically modified rooster; 3 used ban-aids; 1 prostate removal kit; and 1 sailor's mustache. Do let me know. He's been waiting for these for a long time now.
I understand rebellious teenage attitudes... it's just she wasn't that way for the first 5 months... then pregnancy happened. Well, at least I didn't know about it all, maybe. I'm afraid I don't fall in the category of 'most capable adults' in this arena...
I know all the teen stuff 'logically' but have allowed myself to get too emotional over it all. I don't know how to turn that off, or even dial it down. Which is what I think I need... to get through it.
I've gone through tons of training, but when the rubber meets the road... I'm not sure how to handle it all. I'm human, imperfect...and don't know how to handle it all.
Especially, when work is being difficult, too. So, I'm going to see what I can do... but no promises here. 'cause unless I get some more support from the agency or somewhere... I'm not sure if I'll make it. :(
I just don't know how I'm supposed to always react to the stuff she does. I give consequences, but that doesn't seem to mean anything. But I can't just let it all go and ignore it. It's not right and not my nature either.
She's already said she's leaving when she turns 18, and will be several months pregnant... I can't stop her, and am already worried. That might be part of my frustration. I feel a bit helpless and useless. Stability is all I've got right now.
As far as the stuff from Arumba... well, it was a good trip and your friend would be surprised at all the cool stuff I got, especially the vaseline circa 1968.
Melissa
"Being a teenager is dreadfully difficult on many people. It's a stage of life that should be reserved for the most capable adults."
Remember the quote "youth is wasted on the young?" In a way, that's what I was trying to say up there, but with regard to being a teenager. The teenage years can be so combative and so confounding that teenagers have no business going through them. They're just too inexperienced. Instead, it should be us - the adults - who go through that phase, hopefully armed with wisdom and more experience. Of course you're capable adult. Things are just a little overwhelming right now.
Training. Training. Training. My dear Melissa, NO AMOUNT of training can ever be an adequate substitute for the experience of the real thing. Nothing in life ever is. You say that "T" ignores the consequences you put before her as a result of disobedience. Of coarse she does! Most teenagers do. As a matter of fact, I think I was no different when I was a teenager:0)
I understand your concern for "T." But if she chooses to leave, she will be old enough to do so. Again, you can only do so much and you can't force-feed good, caring advice into anyone. You've done all you could, and that should give you a conscience you can sleep with at night.
Actually it was One 16 ounce tub of Crisco lard (circa 1984). But that's ok:0)
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